Transparency

Transparency.

That's a word that keeps on coming up in my life this week. The idea of transparency is one that I have struggled with in the past because I was fearful of the Truth, others' judgement, or my ability to defend choices that I have made for my life.

It's also a word that two people that I respect very much used this week to describe my life these past several months. They have thanked me for being transparent.

It's also a word that someone recently used to question our ongoing relationship with Lauren, Evie's biological mom. 

"Why would you want Evie to know her birth mother? Doesn't that scare you?"

Well... this just in: Evie has a different skin color than Brad and me. She looks like us now, but her complexion will continue to come in as she gets older. She will know-- skin color or not-- that she is adopted. Even if Evie was pasty white like her parents, we would still want an open adoption. It just make sense.

It is our hope and prayer that not only will Evie know about Lauren, but that she will know Lauren. And Lauren's family. And Lauren's phone number. Where Lauren lives and how to get there. 

Having a closed adoption means that once papers are signed, the adoptive parents and child have no contact with the birth parents. Closed adoptions, in my opinion, hurt everyone. The child grows up in a sense of rejection, not acceptance. Adoptive parents lose touch with the child's specific history and foundation. Birth mother has no knowledge of the child or her life. She isn't going to forget the child. It just doesn't work like that.

I am thankful for my stroke and resulting rehabilitation for lots of reasons, but I can see how the Lord used that season in my life to prepare me for adoption. Because we needed the support of those around us and because my health issues were so unusual, we began sharing the truth-- the whole truth-- with everyone. We began to see how this openness blessed our own lives: people were willing to listen (and we needed people to hear our hurt!) and slowly, we found others who had similar hurts. Mothers who lost children at far too young an age, other young people who had strokes, students who struggled through speech therapy, couples who had difficulties getting pregnant or staying pregnant, friends who relied on a God who seemed too far away sometimes. Our lives has been enriched by sharing our pain. Because we have shared it again and again, you have helped carry that burden.  In the sharing, we have created a new sense of transparency. A new sense of the truth of my life.

Proverbs 12:17 - Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence,

but a false witness utters deceit. 

In this way, the stroke helped prepare me for adoption. 

When Brad and I told Lauren that we want her to be a part of our lives and part of Evie's life, we told the truth. The whole truth.

But you didn't come to this blog to hear that! You came to see these! 

With Brad at church

A happy family

Happy Hour watching the Braves